I Lost Him
by Annie-chan
Summary: Sequel to I Lost Her. Valgaav is having some major problems after Gaav's death. Note: It is NOT yaoi or shounen ai.


**Author's Notes:**  This here is a follow-up to _I Lost Her_, so if you haven't read that yet, you might want to before you read this.  Again, this is in Valgaav's POV, and this time, it's his thoughts soon after Gaav's death.  It is _not_ yaoi!  I'm a definite yaoi supporter, but that's not the point of this fic!  It's merely about extreme loyalty to one's master…or disloyalty, depending on which side of Val-kun you're talking about.

_Slayers_, Valgaav, Gaav, Xellos, and any and all other characters, events, scenery, etc. of _Slayers_ do not belong to me.  They belong to Kanzaka Hajime, Araizumi Rui, Kadokawa Shoten, TV Tokyo, SOFTX, Marubeni, Enoki Films USA, ADV Films, and anyone else I forgot to mention.

I Lost Him By Annie-chan 

I lay on my bed, straining.  Gaav is dead.  My two halves are warring with each other for control.  My mazoku side is winning, gods damn it.

I have lain here like this for three straight days, not eating, not sleeping, not thinking.  I am quickly tiring, my pain and exhaustion weakening my ryuzoku side and strengthening my mazoku side.  I fear there is no escape.

For perhaps the fifteenth time today—and who knows how many times it's happened since I shut myself in three days ago?—there is a knock at my door.  I need not be told who it is.  I can sense them just fine.  Jillas and Gravos.

"Valgaav-sama?" Jillas says timidly through the door.  I can hear the apprehension in his voice.  My odd behavior has upset, even frightened, him and Gravos, for it is highly unusual for their master to hole himself up like this.  Part of me is ashamed for acting like this; the other part is just scared and confused.  "Are you all right?" the one-eyed fox asks when I don't respond.

I force my clenched jaws open to answer.  "Go away!" I manage to croak out.  It's a struggle to even speak.  They leave.

Three days ago, that thrice-damned Xellos Metallium dared to come here.  I had recently become aware of an odd emptiness inside of me that I couldn't explain, and was starting to panic over its persistence.  He had appeared right in front of me, that self-righteous smirk on his face.  He threw the twisted, half-melted remains of a sword at my feet, and said five simple words in that deceptively sweet voice.

"He's gone.  Lina got him."

He had vanished after giving me another patronizing grin.  I had almost started raging right then and there.  How _dare_ he treat me so condescendingly?!  But, I picked up the sword and scrutinized the hilt, the only thing halfway resembling its original form.

My heart stopped.

Gaav's seal was engraved on the handle, now blackened and barely recognizable, but there all the same.  So, that's who Xellos meant.  Gaav was dead.  And, judging by the damage to his sword, he himself had been completely obliterated.

No sooner had I realized who the sword belonged to that my mazoku side started beating itself against the walls of its cage, howling and screeching to get loose.  I had it subdued by my ryuzoku side, but my recent realization was the catalyst needed to start the conflict anew.  Anew and much stronger.

For the past millennium, my two halves have been at constant odds, each seeking dominance over the other.  My ryuzoku soul preferred my ryuzoku side, of course, but my mazoku side was just as strong, not to mention willing to try anything to win control.  Now, it was fighting with a power I have never experienced before.

It craves revenge.  Revenge for its lord and father, for the being who made it possible for it to exist.  My ryuzoku side was exceedingly relieved that he had been killed, for it was thoroughly repulsed by the knowledge that I had been enslaved to a Dark Lord.  My mazoku side, however, had been seized by a rabid desire to wreak vengeance.  The emptiness inside of me had grown to monstrous proportions, for now, I knew its source.

Now that Gaav was dead, my mazoku side, born from his power and his power alone, was incomplete, unwhole.  It raged over the loss of its creator, and the mazoku tendency to undying loyalty to their creators made its anger all the more potent.  I dare not imagine what had happened if Raltark and Rashaat had still been alive.  They, too had been born of his power, and would most likely have gone raving mad.

I had collapsed to the floor, my ryuzoku side trying desperately to keep my mazoku side contained, and just barely succeeding.  I had lain there shivering for I don't know how long.  I forced myself onto my hands and knees, and a particularly intense pang of the struggle swept through my body, causing me to howl out in frustration and fear.

My bedroom was only a few doors down the hall from where I was, but I am still unsure as to how I had made it there.  The next thing I remember had been collapsing on my bed, wide eyes fixed on the uneventful ceiling.

I am still staring at the exact same spot three days later.  The conflict has not lessened at all.  It has intensified, if anything.

I need something to take my mind off what is happening within me.  My mind gropes for something to think about.  Of all things, it chooses…

Raven black hair.

Milky white skin.

Bottomless golden eyes.

A voice that melted my very soul.

Tionney.

My mazoku side recoils, revolted by the fact that I love her more than life itself.  My ryuzoku side is crying out in agony.  _Why?!  Whywhywhy?!?!?!  Why must I think of her?!?!_

For the last thousand years, I have tried to think of her as little as possible.  It is just too painful.  The wound in my soul I have had ever since her sacrifice to save my life has never healed, standing as open and raw as the day she died.

For the first time in three days, I move.  I roll from my back to my side and curl into a fetal position, weeping bitterly.  Oh, Tionney, my love, my soul, my most cherished possession, I have betrayed you.

I have murdered.  I have raped.  I have taken pleasure in torturing every Golden Dragon unfortunate enough to cross paths with me in the worst ways possible.  She is horrified, I am sure.  She never would have wished me to do any of those things, even to the Golds.  But, every time I see one, I turn into a rabid monster hell-bent on revenge.

I remember in vivid detail the last I came across.  It was perhaps two weeks ago.  She was dressed in layman's clothing, and her ki gave off the impression that she was between one thousand and two thousand years old, not very old at all.  And, besides the strawberry blonde hair, she looked exactly like my precious Tionney.

My sanity promptly left me.  How dare she?!  How _dare_ she?!?!  How _DARE_ she look like my beloved?!?!?!  Everything was the same!  The face!  The hairstyle!  The style of clothes!  Even the way she walked!  She had the _audacity_ to look like the exquisite young creature her kind so blithely took from me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Before I could think of anything else, I had stood in her path, blocking her progress through the forest.  I was in shadow, so she couldn't see me very well, but I have no doubt that she felt the anger and hate pouring off me like steam from boiling water.

"You, there," I hissed.  "What's your name?"

"S-Salliyal," she replied, obviously deeply frightened.

"Salliyal," I repeated, musing over the sound of it.  "Such a beautiful name.  How old are you?"

She backed up as I advanced on her, but stopped, struck speechless when she saw me clearly.

"M-mazoku!" she stammered, terrified.  She obviously feared the loathsome creatures very much.

"Not quite," I retorted.  "Now, answer my question!"

"I'm eighteen hundred forty-three years old," she answered, barely louder than a whisper.  She cowered back further, and I followed, keeping the exact same distance between us.  "W-what are y-you?"

"Dragon," I said.  "Ancient Dragon.  Thanks to your people, I am now a twisted freak of nature for the rest of my life."

Her eyes widened in what could only be recognition.  "You…" she whispered almost inaudibly.  "You're that youth who tried to flee with a young girl's body.  D-demo…you should be dead!"

She had been there.  She herself had participated in my people's demise.  "You were there?" I demanded, none too happy at this revelation.

"H-hai," she answered.  "I-I helped burn the buildings.  Th-they didn't want someone as young as me doing any killing."

I don't know why she confessed of her own accord that she had torched the beautiful City of Roses until its breathtaking buildings were nothing but ashes and charred crystal.  It only served to give me all the more reason to give her an agonizingly slow death.  Maybe fear makes Golden Dragons stupid.

"So, they didn't want their young corrupted by the heavy task of genocide, then the turned around and slaughtered young and old alike simply because they were insecure in their role as top of the dragon race.  Typical selfish Golds."  I suddenly rushed her, grabbing her by the neck and squeezing just hard enough to make it hard for her to breathe.  She squeaked in choked surprise and reflexively dug her nails into my wrist, causing me to drop my hold.  She tried to run, but her back was nearly up against a tree trunk, and I stepped forward quickly and trapped her against it, using my body against hers to keep her still.

"Hanashite yo!!!!!!!!" she pleaded, desperately trying to beat me off.  Her strength was pitiful compared to mine.

"You were there," I hissed, ignoring her cries.  "You look like her.  Exactly like her.  How dare you, you dragon bitch?"

"Who?" she asked, confused as to who she looked like.

"Tionney," I said, nearly faltering as I spoke her name.  "That young girl I tried to flee with.  You look so much like her.  For that alone, you must die."

"N-naze?!?!" she cried, nearly in tears.  "How…how can I control who I look like?!?!"

"You don't understand," I said, amusement creeping into my voice.  "I'd kill you even if you didn't look like her.  But, since you do, I have extra reason to draw your death out.  You're resemblance is just another of your sins.  A Golden Dragon with her face defiles her memory."

Before she could do anything, I had grabbed hold of the collar of her dress and pulled her completely against me, capturing her lips and a bruising kiss.  She immediately started to fight, clawing at my face and neck, trying to free herself.  I won't allow it!  I finally release her when she starts to draw blood on one of my cheeks.

"Iya da!!!!!!!!" she screeched.  She knew what I intended.  She slapped me hard, hard enough to make the scratches on my face sting like hell.  I will admit that dragon women have quite a fair amount of strength.  She shouldn't have done that, though.  I hissed viciously and threw her down on the ground, bringing myself down on top of her an instant later.  Tears were making their way down her perfect face, and I am reminded of Tionney as she first witnessed her people slaughtered like game animals.  It only served to make me hate her more.

"Quiet!!!!!!!!!" I screamed down at her, slapping her hard enough to stun her.  Good.  This will be easier with her not moving, at least for a minute, and I am in no mood to have to fight with her to get her to submit.  I had her mostly disrobed by the time she came to her senses a minute later, and, as I expected, she started to fight like mad.  How annoying.

"Keep still, you little slut," I threatened.  "You're only making it harder on yourself."  To prove my point, I leaned down and sunk my sharp teeth into her bare shoulder, earning a shriek from her.  It got her to stop struggling.  She was smarter than I thought.

She never made another move.  She lay there, the only indication of her suffering as I forced myself upon her was the anguish written on her beautiful face and the tears that flowed silently from her closed eyes.  She was strong, I'll give her that.

I finished and separated from her.  She opened her eyes and stared at me, pleading silently to be let go.  I made no reply, only stood up and redressed myself.  When I finished the fastenings on my short half-cape, I turned back to her.  She was sitting up, her arms wrapped around herself, her entire body curled into a protective position.  Her amber eyes looked fearfully in my direction, but she would not look directly into my face.

"Now, comes the fun part," I said, just loud enough for her to hear.  Her eyes widened almost impossibly, and she started to back quickly away, terrified of what I would do next.  I had just done the worst thing that could be inflicted upon a female of any race or species.  The best part isn't always the worst thing, though.

I extended my hand toward her, freezing her in place.  Then, I levitated her up into the air, her arms and legs stiff and immovable.  She could still move her head and speak, and speak she did.  Rather loudly.

"What are you doing?!?!  Please, don't!!!!!!  Let me go!!!!!!!!  Onegai!!!!!!!!!"  She tried to struggle, but I held tight, keeping her from moving even a centimeter.  Her unclothed body shone with the layer of sweat that had broken out on her pale skin.  Blood still flowed from the bite I had inflicted upon her shoulder, and nasty bruises marred the otherwise flawless complexion where I had gripped her to make sure she didn't fight.

"You were good, little one," I said, holding my hand out palm-first toward her trembling form.  "I may not be as hard on you as I thought."  With that, I unleashed my power, slowly and painfully sucking the life out of her.

Her screams tore through the already broken serenity of the woods.  I delighted in the sound.  It was sweet to feel the death throes of one who had helped make my people suffer as they did resonating through the mental link I had created to draw her life-force out of her.

She took nearly two hours to die.  She had begged me, pleaded with me, to let her go on many occasions.  She should count herself lucky.  I have sometimes taken almost a whole day to finish off my victims, and their suffering went far beyond hers.

I dropped her spiritless body to the forest floor and left, leaving her remains for the wolves I knew were in the area to eat.  She deserved no proper burial.  No Golden Dragon does.  They certainly never gave my people proper burials.

I returned to Gaav's underground fortress in the Mazoku Desert.  I pass by him in the hall leading toward the part where my room was, and he stopped and sniffed the air.  I know he knew.  Mazoku have such an acute sense of smell.

"I smell sex," he said, "and dragon blood.  Golden Dragon blood."  He looked at me inquiringly, looking for confirmation of what I had done.  I merely grinned wickedly and nodded.  "Huh," he mused, then continued on to wherever he was going, and I entered my room, flopped down on the bed, and slept for the next few hours.

I come out of my memory, horror-stricken.  I did _that_?!?!?!  How could I?!  How could I?!  I try to calm myself with the fact that my mazoku side was in control, but it does little good.  I have betrayed Tionney's trust of me.  The man she loved would never have dared to do such a horrible thing, even to a Gold.  Oh, Ceipheed, help me!

I can feel it taking it over.  My ryuzoku side is exhausted, letting my mazoku side take full control once more.  I try weakly to beat it down, to keep it in check.  It's no use.

With a howl of joy, the mazoku within me claims its victory.  My joy is short-lived, though.  The next thing I feel is indescribable fury.

I lost him.

My lord is gone, dead, never to return.  All that is left of him is the ruined sword brought to me by that smirking Trickster Priest.  Oh, how I would make this Lina pay.  She took away my creator, my father, and she will pay dearly for the almost certain insanity that will befall me.  My mazoku side is now without direction, without focus.  Without its creator alive, it will go wild, which would ultimately destroy me.  The only thing that will placate it will be revenge.

I leap out of bed and slam my bedroom door open.  Jillas and Gravos come running, alerted by the sudden noise coming from my direction.  I skid to a stop to avoid knocking them over, breathing hard, sweating.  I am sure my eyes do not look their sanest right now.

"Valgaav-sama…what…" Jillas begins, but I interrupt.

"We have a new enemy," I say, a sadistic grin starting to tug at my lips.  "Lina Inverse."

Just you wait, Lina Inverse!  Your life is mine!!!!!!!!!!!!

Owari 

**Author's Notes:**  Ta da!  I'm done!  Personally, I like _I Lost Her_ better, though.  What do you all think?  Is this better or worse?  I'd really like to know.  Please let me know.  Send any comments to mangareader@hotmail.com, onegai shimasu!  If you don't like this, though, please be gentle.  I was kinda rushed to complete it. 0-_-


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